| Location | London |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Miscarriage |
| Date of Birth | 2009 |
| Date of Death | 2009 |
| Visitors | 813 since 24/02/2009 |
| Creator |
on wednesday 04/02/2009 my partner and i found out that i was pregnant again, this time i felt so good about it all,
my best friend had also found out that she too was pregnant and best yet,WE WERE DUE THE SAME WEEK!!
yet again my partner was going out of the country,so we decided not 2tell anyone or my other children untill he came home in a few weeks time..i had it all set out, we were going to have a family dinner and show them our 1st scan,it would be great.well,so i thought..all my partner kept repeating was,
OOH, IT BETTER BE A BOY,,LOL
he rang me each day 2ask how i was,
he was going to be a dad 4the 1st time.
on 09/02/2009 i went to the hospital 4all the normal blood tests,the nurse said my pregnancy test was very weak, maybe i was wrong on my dates,maybe earlyer than i thought?.
on 11/02/2009 the nurse range me 2say my HCG level was only 283 (very low) so could i go 2the hospital and do another one,,i went straight there..
on friday 13th febuary, my partner rang to say he was going to be delayed and had 2stay another week, again he asked after his son,,i just laughed and thought OH WELL TYPICAL FRIDAY 13TH,
then 10 mins later my nurse rang me! she said my level had dropped to just 89 and a miscarriage was definatly on the way AGAIN..... it was just 4months since my last miscarriage, then the door went, it was the postman, he gave me an envelope,,,it was a date 4my 12week scan 27march 2009, that should have been a happy day!
it was going to be the day we got our scan photo 2show my children they had a little bro or sis on the way..
how cruel of god 2do this all to me again,,all at once,,
wny me again?
why without my partner again?
the nurse couldnt understand why i wasnt bleeding or havin cramps,,i rang my partner 2tell him the bad news,,he kept telling me the nurses were wrong,his son was fine,he wouldnt accept it at all
i couldnt understand why?
i had felt so good about this pregnancy,MAYBE THEY WAS WRONG!
maybe i was gonna have a miricle baby!
all weekend i couldnt sleep or eat thinking that i was just WAITING TO LOSE MY BABY AGAIN,,the mental torture was unbearable,,,
i was just waiting and hoping..
valentines day was a blur
then on sunday 15th febuary the blood come
it was true, my baby was leaving me...
i rang my partner,we cried 2gever on the fon,
no other words were said,just WHY? WHY US AGAIN? WHAT DID WE DO 2DESERVE THIS?..
i hated going to the loo,,each time i went i lost a little bit more of my baby,,
then i felt guilty,,i was willing it 2go as soon as possible so i didnt have to see it anymore,
when i had my 1st bath after losing it, i just sat on my bed crying,,
i felt like i had washed the last remaining pieces of my baby from my body.
what will our future bring? maybe we will try again,but im too scared to lose another,i couldnt cope again,
iv given 2little angels to heavens nursery,id like to keep the next one 4myself
just like before, a first i didnt name this baby,
but i now name him dibran,,after a small river in albania,
i dont want this baby 2go unknown with no name,,
4the short time i held it in my belly i felt love 4him, i had so many ideas about the future but now hes gone...but never 4gotten by us............
27 MARCH 2009,,went doctors,with pain in tummy,he rushed me in ambulance 2hospital,said i was havin eptopic pregnancy??
i thought he was mad as i lost my baby a few weeks ago,,
wen i got 2hospital they confirmed that baby was in my right fellopian tube!!!!!
they rushed me down 2remove it before it burst,,,it had grown to about 6-8weeks in size,,i spent all weekend in hospital COMPLETELY SHELL SHOCKED, even now im not too sure how i feel,,
i grieved 4my baby loss weeks ago,not sure iv got any more tears left,,how could the doctor get it all soo wrong??
iv been walkin about with my baby still inside me for weeks,thinking it had gone??
what next?
its all so confusing,im not sure how i should feel or even deal with all this??
Where do they go to, the people who leave?
Are they around us, in the cool evening breeze?
Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?
I'd like you to think of them with us that way.
Where do they go to, when no longer here?
I think that they stay with us, calming our fear
Loving us always, holding our hands
Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.
Where do they go to, well it's my belief
They watch us and help us to cope with our grief
They comfort and stay with us, through each of our days
Guiding us always through life's mortal maze
Precious Child by Karen Taylor Good
In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still
In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
A letter from heaven
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, 'I welcome you
It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......'My day was not in vain.'
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama please don't cry~
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies."
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there,
giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent with love
♥.•** •.♥.•** •.♥.♥ ♥
I believe in Angels
I wish it wasnt true,
We didnt want an Angel
We only wanted you,
♥.•** •.♥.•** •.♥.♥ ♥
Youve left behind our broken hearts.
Our thoughts and photos too.
We didnt want a memory
We only wanted you .
♥.•** •.♥.•** •.♥.♥ ♥
Sweet Dreams Beautiful Angel.xXxXx
in a baby castle
In a baby castle
just beyond my eye,
My baby plays with angel toys
that money just can’t buy.
Who am I to wish him back
Into this world of strife,
No – play on my baby
You have eternal life.
At night when all is silent
and sleep forsakes my eyes,
I’ll hear his tiny footsteps
Come running to my side.
His little hands caress me
So tenderly and sweet,
I’ll breathe a prayer and close my eyes
And embrace him in my sleep.
Now I have a treasure
That I rate above all other,
I have known true glory
For I am still his Mother
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